A conversation between rooh co-founder Anusha Rao & Dr. Carmen E. Jiménez DOM of Cosmopolitan Healing.

Throughout my life, I’ve often been criticized for holding grudges and being seen as unforgiving. While these remarks are hurtful and trigger emotions, I believe those who made those observations were perhaps trying to help me in their own way. 

None of us are born inherently unforgiving. This tendency often emerges most intensely in our closest relationships, such as with family. When someone upsets me or causes me pain, my instinct is to withdraw and remove myself from the situation entirely. Shutting down feels like a default response — I enter a fight-or-flight mode where flight seems the safest course for self-protection.

The broader concept of forgiveness was difficult to grasp for me, as it is for many of us. When someone or a situation causes us immense pain, whether the harm is mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual, the idea of forgiving can feel impossible. How do we forgive someone who has inflicted so much damage?

What I’ve learned through various forms of teachers, lectures, and others is that forgiveness is intrinsically linked to our own freedom. Forgiving is not about forgetting — this distinction is crucial. Instead, forgiveness is about not allowing the person or situation to hold us captive in the past, trapped in our pain. Forgiveness is a release — a way to let go of the negativity stored in our bodies and minds. It's about reclaiming our lives and our sense of self.

Many people believe that forgiveness requires confronting the person who hurt us, whether through a conversation or a phone call. However, this isn't true, and you likely wouldn’t feel safe doing so. The good news is that the most effective approach to your forgiveness journey is often a more personal and introspective one. You can engage in this process as frequently as needed or whenever you feel prompted. If the pain is deep, you'll likely need to release it more than once.

So how do we actually go about forgiving?

I recently had a breakthrough in understanding forgiveness, thanks to Dr. Jiménez DOM, a talented acupuncturist. She provided me with actionable steps that made the process feel attainable. Dr. Jiménez helped define forgiveness as a cycle we need to start and complete.

As you go through this process, you can either talk it out with yourself or take out a piece of paper, write down your thoughts, and then dispose of it. My personal favorite is writing it down and then discarding it. This might seem trivial, but throwing the paper away, flushing it down the toilet, or burning it can symbolize releasing the negativity from within you. Many of us are hesitant to journal or write anything down because we fear someone might find our writings, so we hold back even in our most intimate moments with ourselves. Embrace the process fully, knowing that you will ultimately release what you write.

Equally important is the forgiveness of oneself. Often, we are not consciously aware of how self-critical and harsh we have been towards ourselves. Subconsciously, we may have abandoned our own needs and well-being. Forgiving ourselves and treating ourselves with compassion is a powerful way to release inner tension and reconnect with our true selves. This self-forgiveness allows us to heal and move forward with greater self-love and understanding. Remember, once we’re able to forgive ourselves, we’re more likely to be able to swiftly forgive others. 

Forgiveness is not just a step towards freedom – it's a profound act of reclaiming power and renewing strength. Initially, I struggled with the concept, finding it daunting and irrational. But true forgiveness isn't about forgetting – it's about honoring your feelings and choosing to move forward empowered.

It's crucial to acknowledge and accept your emotions as you navigate the cycle of forgiveness. You must close the loop on this emotional journey with acceptance, not for anyone else but for your own understanding and growth.